Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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