my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
