he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
