Cold hands, warm shart.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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