I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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