So drunk its hurt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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