I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
