I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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