worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
