you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
