Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
