I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
