Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
