***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
