Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
