I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
