when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
