He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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