38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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