You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
