google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
