Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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