So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
