i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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