I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
