omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
