the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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