If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
