Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
