Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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