omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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