If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
