Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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