so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
