thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize