It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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