someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
