Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
