so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
