sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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