giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
