i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
