I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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