you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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