he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize