So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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