Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
