I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
