2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
