TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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