Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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