I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
