Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
