He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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