On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
