I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
