More tranny stories later!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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