Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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