I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
