and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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