Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
