I am puke
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
