I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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