I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Found your dick twin last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
