oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
