Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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