The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think my moral compass just broke
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