Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
