You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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