So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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