before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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